May 2013
24 posts
servant-of-the-earth:
sandandglass:
My cellphone is basically just a clock sitting in my pocket because nobody contacts me
This is the most accurate thing ever.
meladoodle:
try to close someone’s eyes like a corpse when you’re bored of talking to them
liarnjamespayne:
in 5th grade they made my class do a seminar thing on drugs and we had to sign an anti-drug pledge and afterwards they gave us these really fancy certificates declaring that we would be drug free forever and i ended up rolling a joint with mine in freshman year so there u go
narvaezs:
i pledge allegiance
to the band
of mr. shneebly
and will not fight him for creative control
and will defer to him on all issues related to the musical direction of the band
andivictoria:
andivictoria:
this douchebaggy ass woman sitting behind us has been wearing sunglasses all dinner ugh stop
nevermind she’s blind
tarvros:
members of the black eyed peas: Fergie Will.i.am ????? ???// ????/
gnarly-gnat:
one time at a wax museum i thought one of the tour guides was a wax person cuz they were just standing there not moving so i go up to them like “who the fuck is this supposed to be” then they just looked at me and laughed
merricats:
oldmanhoho:
you know you’ve made a good pun when everyone’s immediate response upon hearing it is “shut the fuck up”
#the highest compliment any pun can receive
onedirectionfangirlproblems:
usa gets silver:
russia gets silver:
chinese get silver:
british get bronze:
April 2013
292 posts
kanyewesticle:
mynationaltreasure:
toinfinityandbeyonce:
smilingemoticon:
kanyewesticle:
usb-dongle:
kanyewesticle:
it takes me like 3 days to wake up in the morning
oh my god
fucking fandom references
WHAT FANDOM? THE JESUS FANDOM?
THEY PREFER THE TERM CHRISTIANITY
This is the post that killed me
conor-cymex:
mydogsnokes:
i will not buy flowers for a girl because flowers are stupid and worthless and they die like really fast. get a girl a rock. rocks are strong. rocks don’t die after 2 days
diamond
the word you’re looking for is diamond
homosassy:
the dumbest thing is when parents say “this isnt how i raised you” like ?????? yes it really is you literally raised me and here i am
percypan:
THIS GUY JUST ASKED ME WHAT MY NAME WAS AND I DIDNT UNDERSTAND WHAT HE SAID SO I SAID 4:45
chrssy:
show up to your funeral like
stevva:
we have this detergent in poland called just a minute mom, let me finish fisting the stove
the-po-po:
I feel like Amanda Bynes and Justin Bieber are competing to see who can have the funniest downward spiral
gothgirlsonly:
everything is a boomerang if you throw it upwards
lynzave:
my brother yelled “HOLLA” at me and he was like “you’re supposed to say holla back” and I immediately replied “I ain’t no holla back girl” and it’s an hour later and I’m still laughing
renkos:
literally all my friends are cute then i’m just
penguinhumor:
“Did you finish your homework?”
anotherdoctorwhofangirl:
one time when i was 6 my mom caught me trying to eat pure sugar out of the container so she stopped and said “Would you like to have something even sweeter?” and of course little naive 6 year old me said yes yes i would so she said “smell it first and then decide” and handed me a bottle of straight vanilla extract and of course it smelled like the tears of jesus so i...
